Photos on a dating profile can be old, filtered, stolen, or in the worst cases, someone else entirely. A real-time video call closes most of that gap in a way that messaging and even phone calls can’t — which is why UK police forces consistently recommend it as a standard step before meeting anyone from a dating app in person.
Why a live video call matters specifically
Northamptonshire Police’s online dating safety guidance is specific about the type of verification that actually helps: “have a real time video call with them before meeting up in person.” Crucially, the guidance draws a clear line between this and something that looks similar but isn’t: don’t “just accept video messages left for you to watch at a later date.” A pre-recorded video message, however genuine it looks, can be recycled, reused, or in the age of AI tools, increasingly manipulated — a live call, where you can ask spontaneous questions and see real-time reactions, is a meaningfully stronger check.
What a video call actually verifies
A live call won’t catch every possible deception, but it addresses some of the most common ones directly: it confirms the person on the call resembles their profile photos, that they can hold a real, responsive conversation, and that basic details they’ve mentioned (accent, location, apparent age) broadly line up with what they’ve told you. It’s a much harder bar for a scammer to clear than simply sending more photos or a scripted voice note, which is precisely why romance fraud so often involves elaborate excuses for why a video call “isn’t possible right now.”
Treating reluctance as information
How someone responds when you suggest a video call is itself useful information. A genuine match will generally be comfortable with a short call, even if they’re a little nervous about it, as most people are with dating in general. Persistent excuses — a broken camera, an unreliable connection, being “too shy,” or always having a reason it needs to wait “just a bit longer” — are worth taking seriously as a pattern, particularly if they continue over several conversations rather than being a one-off.
Protecting your own information during and around the call
Verifying someone doesn’t mean giving up your own privacy in the process. Northamptonshire Police’s wider guidance recommends using “a username which is anonymous and doesn’t give away your name or any personal information,” and not feeling “pressured to share personal information like your address or phone number” — remembering that, even after a good conversation or a reassuring video call, this is still someone you don’t really know yet. Most dating apps now offer in-app calling specifically so you don’t need to exchange a personal phone number before you’re ready to.
What to do once you’ve had a good call
A positive, reassuring video call is a good sign, but it’s still worth carrying the same sensible precautions into an in-person meeting. Safer Derbyshire’s guidance is direct on this: “tell someone what you’re doing, and where, before meeting an online suitor in person for the first time.” Combine the two steps — a live video call beforehand, and telling a friend or family member your plans — and you’ve covered two of the most effective, low-effort safety measures available before a first date.
Red flags that should stop you before any video call happens
Some warning signs are serious enough that they’re worth acting on immediately, without waiting for a video call to confirm anything. Safer Derbyshire is unambiguous: “never send money or your bank details to someone you’ve met online — no matter what reason they give or how long you’ve been speaking to them.” Any request for money, gift cards or financial details before you’ve even met is a clear signal to stop engaging, regardless of how convincing the story is.
A simple pre-meeting checklist
- Suggest a live video call, ideally via the dating app’s own in-app calling feature, before agreeing to meet in person.
- Be wary of persistent excuses for avoiding a call, especially if they continue over multiple conversations.
- Keep your own personal details — full name, address, workplace — private until you feel genuinely ready to share them.
- Tell a friend or family member the details of any planned in-person meeting.
- Treat any request for money as an immediate red flag, regardless of how the relationship has felt up to that point.
Making the call itself feel natural
If suggesting a video call feels awkward, framing it simply as wanting to properly put a face to the person you’ve been messaging tends to feel far more natural than announcing it as a “safety check.” Keeping the first call relatively short and low-pressure — fifteen or twenty minutes is plenty to get a genuine sense of someone — also takes the pressure off both people, and gives you a clear, comfortable point to end the call rather than it needing to become a long conversation to feel worthwhile.
What if you don’t have video calling in common?
Most dating apps now build video calling directly into the platform, specifically so you don’t need to exchange personal contact details to arrange one. If you’re using a platform that doesn’t offer this, a widely available video calling app is a reasonable alternative, but it’s worth being mindful that this does involve sharing a username or contact handle slightly earlier than you might otherwise choose to — a small trade-off worth being aware of rather than a reason to skip verification altogether.